Talon News - Good Local News



April 28, 2017

I found out at a young age how easy I was to prank. One evening about dark, I was way out in the country about six miles from my home. Floyd, the village drunk, walked up from the valley where he lived to the main road where my uncle George and I were working. This old drunk was leading a cow with a halter and a rope. I was about 14 years old, and mistakenly believed I was as grown up and mature as any other adult. “Hey Floyd, where are you going with that cow?” My uncle asked. “Clyde Heaton bought her from me last week, and I’m just now getting around to taking her to his house.” Floyd said. “That old drunk is so plastered he’ll never be able to find his way to our house. It will be pitch black in less than an hour, and the old fool doesn’t even have a flashlight with him.” I thought. It was all could do not to laugh out loud. I wasn’t about to tell him that Clyde Heaton was my dad. Then I got the shock of my young life. “This is your lucky day, Floyd, right here is Clyde’s son, Bob. He will be more than glad to take that cow to Clyde’s house for you,” said my uncle. I had horrific visions of those wild dogs that lived in the old abandoned farm house in the dense forest about half way to our home 6 miles away. They would probably attack dad’s cow, and there was no way I would be able to control her with just that rope. I was scared stiff, then I got really mad. “The hell with them all! If that cow runs away it won’t be my fault. I just hope I can find my way home without a flashlight.” I thought. I snatched the rope out of Floyd’s hand and stormed down the road with dad’s new cow. I was boiling mad at my bad turn of events. Then I heard it.

It was the loudest laughter I had ever heard. My uncle and the old drunk were rolling on the ground laughing. First of all, I never dreamed Floyd knew who I was, or that my uncle George would play such a rotten trick on me. Floyd had just been taking his cow to his other pasture across the road when he spotted my uncle and me. His devious whiskey-soaked brain took charge, and he came up with that prank instantly. If he had pulled that trick on anyone else besides me, a gullible 14 year old kid, it would’ve been one of the funniest practical jokes of all times. It just seemed like a pretty lame joke to me that night though. That prank gets funnier every time I think of it now, 63 years later. I did learn several valuable life lessons from this humbling experience.

1. Don’t assume anything.

2. Don’t ever underestimate an old drunk, and

3. Having to eat “crow” in front of two laughing jokers is not a very pleasant experience.

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